071514DoirRilset
Doir strolls down the hallway, loudly singing some random song. Banging a phone against the walls for a beat, of course. RilSet StickS hiS head out of Scarlet'S room, glaring. "Do you mind? Some of uS are trying to SleeP." Doir stops. "im keeping morale up! everyone hears the sound of life and gets all ready to do things! mostly kill me, but its still things. "at least im not eating people." *z snap* "I do not See how making a racket loud enough to echo acroSS Paradox SPace iS any better," RilSet grumbleS. "I can feed Silently, without diSturbing anyone, if I choSe to. You, however Seem incaPable of Silence." "yeah, but youre like, the voiiiid guy, of course youre quiet. im immature and incredibly bored. im not *hurting* anyone, am i?" "My earS. And mind, the longer I converSe with you," RilSet SayS, rubbing hiS temPleS. "How your fellow alienS have not diSPoSed of you yet iS beyond me." "oh, they tried." Doir shakes his fist. "they tried so hard. but i triumphed, and i am here to vex the crew for another day. so are you like still eating pieces of me...skinda weird, dude." "CoPieS of you, and yeS. Though the majority goeS to feeding my PlantS." "oh, right, you worship plants and stuff. hey, isnt a balanced diet healthier? maybe you should feed them some sami. theres some bbq'd witch down on lovabo if you need any" RilSet archeS an eyebrow. "HaS Sami done Something to earn your ire? Or haS She commited Suicide, in order to join her loSt love?" "wh- you were there! i set her on fire? or, at least i think... were you there? you kinda stay in the background" "Ah, you SPeak of the other Sami." A faint tremor runS through RilSet. "No, thank you. I would not taint mySelf or my chargeS with eldritch fleSh." "pfft, suit yourself. hey, did you take a shower yet? and throw out your clothes? you should probably do that. when you went zombie, uh, someone pissed on you. it was kate. kate did it." "I wiPed mySelf down with Some damP ragS. And yeS, I have changed clotheS." RilSet lookS Steadily at Doir. "I know who among thiS Party haS a rePutation for being free with their waSte, and it iS not her." Doir puts his hands up defensively. "whoa, come on, that was once, and i thought sami was a demon. yknow, if you thought, uh, someone, like, ate a plant, and pissing on them would save the plant, youd do it too." "You are a moron. But worry not, I do not hold grudgeS." RilSet SmileS hiS toothieSt Smile. "SleeP Peacefully. You need not fear retribution." "uh... okay?" Doir glances left and right to check that no one's around, and then leans in towards Rilset. "hey, one time, ryspor told me to cut up carrots- a human plant- and give them to beau! can you believe that? i didnt do it, but thats just- just heresay!" RilSet allowS Doir to lean cloSer to hiS grinning mouth. "You do not Say. PleaSe, tell me more," he SayS, beckoning the young alien cloSer. He continues. "yeah, yeah, and he like, also told me he always hated plants, and whenever he found... uh, seaweeds and shit, he'd rip them out and use them to make, like, water-rope. yeah, and then, he'd, uh, go to the shore, and use a lawnmower! on grass!" RilSet watcheS aS the fooliSh alien drawS cloSer and cloSer. Soon, he thinkS to himSelf. The beSt hunterS are thoSe who are Patient. "and then, he, he uh, he... stole the declaration of independance! which is made of ancient paper! paper is plants! and ripped it up and aaaaaate it! and then he pooped aaaaaaaaaaaall over your entire garden. all of your plants ate his nasty sea-poop, and now they have seapoop nutrients in them. also he said youre creepy and grin too much. and that he likes the smell of dead plants." He continues getting closer and closer as he talks, making wild hand movements. "Very Shocking," RilSet SayS with a yawn. "Say, you would not mind giving me a hand, would you?" he aSkS caSually. "no, you cant have my hand! silly uh, whatever your name is i forgot, i know your game. you just want me to say 'yes' and then youll eat my hand and ill be like 'oh noo i thought you meant to help you' and youll be like 'no i meant to have your actual hand >:D' and ill cry probably." "Oh come now. Now that you have god-tiered, it would grow back anywayS. Probably," RilSet Say, decaPtloging hiS cleaver. "I'm only aSking for one, in any caSe." "it would?" Doir glances at his hand, back to Rilset, back to his hand, to the cleaver, and then to Rilset. "hmmmm... i guess if its for science... but then id have to die in order for my consequences to be cleared, and i aint about to do that. okay, my final answer is, im going to lock my door every night from now on." "AS you wiSh. But if do not care to helP me, kindly leave me and my mateSPrite in Peace," RilSet SayS, caPtlgoing the cleaver, and Shutting the door. "bye, plant dude!" Doir skips down the hallway, not having learnt a single thing.